I recently came across a LinkedIn post by Iman Rahmani—a former Iranian refugee who pushed through our education system, earned a degree in German as a foreign language, and is doing incredible work today. He wrote about language being the vital first step toward genuinely arriving in a new society. I couldn't agree more. But what caught my eye was something else: the post had exactly two likes. One from me, and one from Ina.
That really got me thinking, because Ina only met Iman in the first place through me and through our UNO.TEAM. For months, I looked after a WhatsApp group. I shared my thoughts, ideas and invitations to our cooperative meetings there, to forge a real team. I wanted to create spaces where we build something together. But when I tried to truly weld this team together, I hit a brick wall.
It’s a strange and sad dynamic. The people I brought together now talk to each other, but towards me there is complete silence. For months, the group gave zero feedback—not a single like, not a word. I was simply ignored and ghosted. My ego plays no role in this at all. What really hurts and saddens me is this way of turning away.
To me, it is many times worse when someone goes silent and withdraws than when someone tells me straight to my face: “Hey Torsten, I don’t agree with that at all.” Open disagreement is honest. You can grow from it, you can push against it. But ghosting leaves a vacuum. We should be able to stand together and set aside the different ways we may communicate. When it’s about a shared cause, the style of communication can’t be the priority.
On a personal level, I find this behavior worrying. But above all, on a societal level, it’s a huge problem. People like Ina and Iman, who have recently arrived here, carry so much potential. They should be connecting with us, and we with them, to break up rigid hierarchies. But when someone’s upbringing or socialization makes them shut down and go silent in the face of an honest offer of Humanity at HER BEST, we miss the chance of a real “we”. It breaks my heart to see how lightly this connection is brushed aside—instead of simply starting a conversation and finding out together what we can be for each other.
Who would you like to talk to about this thought?
Thank you. Every answer fits – take it with you into your day. Would you like to share something yourself?
